Pink Lyric.
Im not sure how to start this post, i just know that i really want to write it. I was reading Sex God by Rob Bell, the same guy who wrote Jesus wants to save Christians and Velvet Elvis. He talks about ALOT of things, which are all thought provoking and Godly and all that crap, but he has this idea in the middle of the book to answer these questions and be completly honest about them.
Im gonna quote what he says and then answer the questions.
"Have you observed people who have to have the radio on, the television on, or their iPod nearby? Are you one of those pople? One of the reasons some have to always have noise and external stimulus is because theyre terrified of the silence. The stillness. The present. If you stop and rest in the quiet, you will have to listen to what is going on inside you. And this can be frightening.
--
Ask yourself the following questions and write down whatever comes into you mind. Get rid of your edit button.
Seriously, try this. Write out your answers to these questions:
Whats frustrating me right now?
What am i angry about?
What am i scared of?
What am i dreading?
What am i anxious about?
What concerns me?
What is stressing me right not, the smallest thing that i dont want to write down cause it seems so dumb but is actually stressing me?
What am i looking forward to?"
Well, here goes.
Whats frustrating me right now? What am i angry about?
That im not being who i should be, that im scared to talk to my friends in case they freak out at me, that Im not someone likeable or even useable by god or whatever, im frustrated i cant ask the questions i want to ask, im frustrated i cant help people, im frustrated that im hurting and im really frustrated that im this frustrated!!!!
What am i scared of?
Im scared that i'll say something to someone and they'll realise what im covering up or hiding and decide that i really am someone to stay away from, or be pitied or all that crap!
What am i dreading?What am i anxious about?
Admitting im stuck. And posting this blog now!!
What concerns me?
Mum. My friends. People freaking out and me not being able to help. My faith wavering. How i act when i get scared.
What is stressing me right not, the smallest thing that i dont want to write down cause it seems so dumb but is actually stressing me?
What if i really am broken?
What am i looking forward to?
Snow going away so i can have the rain back.
Myehhh. You know in Friends where Phoebe does that rapid fire question thing and the first thing in their mind is always the truth?
Mehh. Thats the surface. Grr. Now to press publish post. Myehh.....
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You know what? Thats basically exactly what I am scared of. Thats kind of the reason of 'Two of the same??'. I use one to hide behind, to forget everything, to be someone esle, so I dont have to be that scared that I will let something slip. Its not a very good idea to do that though, cause it means that you have no idea who you are.
ReplyDeleteSorry, I sorta got a bit carried away on this comment, ignore it =P.
Ly x
Ahhaa we're messed up together =D We need to be braaave =D I'll love you forever. Dunno bout you! =P
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