Just Be Strong Enough For One Last Song

When I hurt myself, its about me.





Its something that I do thats selfish. I dont care for what others do that might affect me, because it doesnt.


I dont cut because someones upset me.


I dont cut because I get mad.


I cut because I get scared.
I feel alone.
Ive done something wrong and only I can sort myself out.
I cut to get rid of my emotional pain.


Not because someone says no.





I know its all done to try to help me, but I'm sick of being treated like I'm breakable.





Because I'm not.





Im the same me I was before, I'm just handling things differently. It may not be the best way to handle it, but its how i do it now.





I found out reccently a guy I liked a loooong time ago had told me he liked me back, purely because he didnt want me hurting myself over rejection.


Im not hurt that he doesnt like me, im past that, but what really hurts is that its not even the first time. Essentially he lied to me because he feared for what i'd do to myself.





Another guy, before i even started self harming, admitted later after we both admitted we no longer had feelings for each other, told me he didnt ask me out because he remembered that i had told him (In one of our deeper more meaningful chats) that i had THOUGHT about self harm in year SEVEN.





Now these guys are lovely. Theyre trying to protect me and I cant fault them for that.

But theyre lying to me about something I would prefer honesty over any day.

I hate this. I need and crave and reccomend honesty.

But is that the cost of being open about my self harming? My friends are only friends out of pity? What if guys dont tell me the truth? Is this whats happening with the guy I like at the moment?





Im terrified about this.





But what can i do?